Brain update
A state-wide police alert has resulted in several unconfirmed sightings of Ms TN's brain, which disappeared without trace while on holiday last week. A police spokesman told media tonight that investigations were well in hand, and released the accompanying identikit photo. Anyone seeing a brain of this description is asked to contact the Missing Brains Bureau at once.
Ms TN pleaded tearfully for her brain to at least make contact. "I just need to know you're ok," she said. "Just a phone call will do."
The disappearance of Ms TN's brain follows a series of recent high profile brain abscondments among prominent government and financial high flyers. It's a problem which police are beginning to describe as "an epidemic". "In some cases, the brains have been missing for decades, but definitely things have got worse in the past few years," said the spokesman. "It's deeply concerning."
13 comments:
DeAr mS tn,
wE HAve yOUr bRAiN!
If yoU WAnT to SEe iT IN onE pIeCe AgaIn do AS wE SAY!
WE DemanD YoU rEaPPraiSe cERTaiN thEATRicaL worKS tHAt yoU HAve slAGGed oFf IN reCENt tIMes.
YOu KNow WHicH WOrks We meaN!
SinCereLy
TFJMSHR
(The Friends of Joanna Murray-Smith and Hannie Rayson)
p.s. We WIll HoLd YOuR BRAin FoR NOw as IT wOn'T bE REQuireD tO COmPletE sAid Task!
You fools! You have the wrong brain! The one that you have is the nice one Ms TN uses only on weekends. Her real brain, the critical one, the sharp one, the smart one, the terribly cruel and accurate one, is in MY possession! I have it bound with iron clamps in the dark basement of my Queensland lair! Ha ha ha! Yes, I am frightened of it; yes, it is something hideous to behold, but I have more courage, more determination, bigger balls, more money, a better hairstyle than any Hero in Dragonball Z! Her brain is mine! No one will ever discover its whereabouts. I will not surrender it. IT IS MINE, I tells ya! I will do with it as I like. I may even turn it into an Age journalist's brain. Yes, I could be so cruel, so pitiless. Bwha ha ha!!
Donations to the Sir David Williamson retirement fund gratefully accepted (postal orders only)
Love
Spuds
And the freaks come out to play...
My brain has ESCAPED its evil captors by disguising itself as an orange pouffe. It just rang me from a phone box. It sounded strangely unworried, and says it is hitching a ride with a friendly truck driver and is now travelling disguised as Britney Spears. I do worry about it, it's very irresponsible, but what can you do? In any case, it assures me it's not very far away and should arrive home in a day or so. I think it just ran away.
Hi Alison
I'm trying to write a novel but I have writer's block, so I was wondering if I could rent your brain for a bit?
I'm happy to loan you mine in the interim if you don't mind the drop in IQ and feeling the sudden urge to talk like a pirate during sex.
I'm not sure my IQ could be lower than it has been the past few days. I can just about cope with shoot'em up video games. I need it back, I'm supposed to be writing my own novel. Ah, the life of the mind...
Anyway, there are some promising signs this morning. The truth is that I'm rather deeply tired. It's been a full-on year. As for talking like a pirate, despite the fact that my birthday is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, I'm just not going there...
Aahrr!
How very Andy Griffiths of you, Alison...
It's those bloody zombies isn't it. They've been tromping all about Melbourne like a runaway genre-fiction cliche for the past few months, moaning 'brains BRAINS!' at all the passers-by. And now they've taken Alison's brains. Well it's just not on! Zombies, if you're reading this, and I know you are - give them BACK!
And don't you zombies DARE take a bite out of the cerebellum. Cheeky sods!
The gum tree outside my bedroom knows a volunteer at the refuge for runaway brains who said that there have been heaps of brains there lately and some are just naughty but some have been abused and overworked and the tree said to tell you if there is any suggestion of brain abuse or neglect you will need counselling before you get your brain back, ever. oh, one more thing, you will need some ID to prove a missing brain is really yours and you are not just another american trying to get into politics.
Sounds like a re-write of Gogol's The Nose to me.
I'm hoping that your brain took the opportunity to escape for a few days and write about Tennessee Williams.
You see my problem is this: I'm dreaming away; I cry watching the days. Can't you see I'm a fool In so many ways? But to lose all my senses...That is just so typically me....Oops!... I did it again.
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